Travel: T's Taxi Tips.

I managed to finish only 30 mins overtime today so I'm a good mood- it also helps I learnt a couple of cool things today in theatre- subcuticular sutures and all that.

Anyway, long the short of it, you'll get my Taxi Tips 2 days ahead of schedule. What you'll here is the distilled knowledge of my many trips to all many major continents and mad taxi destinations. Jakarta. Phomn Phenn. Dar Es Salaam. Kuala Lumpur. London. Saigon. All of these have their own rules of the road when it comes to Taxis, but many of these rules overlap so here we go...

Rule #1: Choose your taxi wisely. A run down heap will breakdown, I once chose a Tuk Tuk with a shark emblazoned over the 'nose'. My mate hurled from the swerving and speed about 2 minutes later. Not good. Look for respectable cars, from respectable companies, that will lower the chance of something dodgy happening.

Rule #2: Agree on a price before getting into the car. No misunderstandings there. Get in and you're at the mercy of the driver. And you don't want that. Of course, if it's a metered cab, don't be an idiot and try to haggle beforehand. Now that would be pushing it. A lot.

Rule #3: The safest place to sit is behind the driver. If you are travelling alone, never sit in the passenger seat. Even if you ignore the statistic that more passengers than drivers get killed in car accidents, it places you straight into firing/stabbing line. Furthermore, if the car stops, you can't really make a quick break for it. Behind the driver gives you a clear view both sides, a good view of driver and car movement. Plus, it's pretty darned hard to stab someone sitting you.

Rule #4: Watch your belongings. If you place stuff in the boot, at least be aware of the boot. It's easy to have stuff boosted from off the back of a car/van. It happens all the time over in the East of London, but for some reason not in Africa. Maybe they prefer to beat you up then take your stuff.

Rule #5: Stick to the agreement. You'll get a lot of taxidrivers especially in Africa and Asia who will agree on a price but drive to a petrol station and demand additional cash for fuel. Or engine oil. Or celery. Okay I made that last one up but you get the idea. Stick to your agreement. If that doesn't work, stick to your guns. That usually works.

Rule #6: Get your stuff together, then pay. You need to get your shit together, make sure everything is cool, then pay. I've seen slipper wearing, sarong slinging German tourists chasing after luggage laden tuk-tuks in Bangkok. Okay maybe they weren't German, but they could have been.

Anyway go alleviate the serious of the above content, I'll give a hall of shame run down of the worst things that can happen Taxi wise in the various cities I listed above. Hah. You thought that was just pointless characters...

Jakarta-2005-Car. Well, we were a party of 3 taking a Blue Bird cab from the Airport to a hotel. Price agreed, stuff sorted, gang in car, cruising to Beyonce. Sweet... Enter anti-Sutarto protesters in front of cab. Big ooops, big puddles gathering below our trousers. Anyway, we lay low, pretend to read something. I pull out the only book I have in my case. Which is, a bright yellow Worst Case Scenarios handbook I bought on a whim. Shite. I'd like to say the protesters tried it on and we busted some ass, but they just passed us by. Boooring. Rule #6.5: The worst case scenario book may actually work.

Phomn Phenn-1997-Scooter. In Phomn Phenn, taxis are either rickshaws or scooters. Hmmm, hard choice for a young chap.... handpulled wooden contraption with like 0.5HP or a crotch rocket with a super souped turbo. Group of 5 guys: 3 scooters. Do the math. So one of the guys was riding solo and JH won the toss. We mount (squeeze) up and he just leaps onto his ride with a triumphant smile, only to be greeted by a sound best described as a barbeque sizzle and the smell of burning hair. Queue 2 seconds of puzzlement on his face and then all hell broke loose. He jumped off the scooter, grabbed his water bottle and started to douse his foot with the vodka we stashed in there. Queue much colorful language and more hell. Turns out he stuck his leg right onto the very hot exhaust pipe. So in honor of JH, Rule #6.6: look where you sit and where you limbs go.

Dar Es Salaam-2003-Car. This was the one where the driver asked for more money for petrol. Yeah, right buddy. 4 angry, tired backpackers holding a rapidly warming 6 pack do not a congenial crowd make.

Kuala Lumpur-2005-Car. Got into the big central bus terminal in KL and started to look for our hotel. We used a pretty crude street map pinched from a Singapore hotel, but it was getting dark and my travelling companion was a nervous female so we decided to take a cab (read: she decided and make me decide to take a cab). Got a cab, sorted out a price Us$7, the Cab took us up 1 street 2 blocks from the station, did a u-turn, came down 1/3 on the same road. D'oh. In honor of that cock-up: Rule #6.7: locate destination accurately before getting a taxi.

London-2001-Car. Picture staggering out of a bar at 3 in the morning. Picture trying to figure out which way is skyward. Then imagine trying to get a cab with that kind of mental state. We usually go in a group in a minicab (unliscenced taxis). So anyway we acuired one, settled a reasonable price and took off. Well, the problem with minicabs is that they haven't got the knowledge. That is the ordinance survey type of mental image of London. We wanted to go to Putney, but ended up on the opposite side of spellsville (& town) in Brick Lane. So: Rule #6.8: ensure taxi driver knows where he's going.

Saigon-1998-Car. Road accidents are pretty much okay in my book if no one gets hurt. This was on the boundary. We were travelling by cyclo to the Q bar when our driver took a really sharp swerve and the carriage ended up in a horizontal position. We managed to jump ship before any damage was done but everyone, the driver, us, the pedestrians heard a really loud crunching sound. And before that sound a muffled, surprised, squawk. Rule #6.9: Roadkill is tasty when marinated and barbequed.

Travel: Hot Indonesia and Cool Singapore

Jarkarta- Traffic, Shopping and mad, bad geology

Well, I'm just back from a trip to Jakarta and Singapore. Let's start with Jarkarta, Indonesia, I'll post up Singapore along with Taxi tips later this week.

Indonesia is pretty hot at the moment. You've got a great mix of biological, geological, religious and sociological alerts and dangers, making it one of the most dangerous places to visit. I'm quite proud of making back unharmed- barring of course an accident with a particularly vicious bottle cap. More on that later. So there's Bird flu (H5N1), Volcanic eruptions (Merapi), Earthquakes (Jogyakarta), Terrorism (Jemimah Islam), Protests (lastest protest fad: AntiPorn). There's no one targeting young doctors though, so I was confident, I'd be okay.

I stayed here with relatives so I had run of the town with a driver, which frankly, is pretty much the only way to get around town. Getting around on foot is possible, but most places are unsafe for visitors to wander about on foot. There are numerous stories on streetside, broad daylight, public muggings. Taxis are better but pay attention to which company; Sliver Bird and Blue Bird are pretty reputable, but exercise caution. Taxi drivers have been known to mug the unsuspecting. I'll blog up my tips for a safe taxi journey later in the week.

So I did some shopping, a lot of eating and some nosying around.

Shopping. Aaah, cheap momentos and presents abound. Javanese coffee is a great gift and makes a darned good brew as well. The arabica beans produce a strong, robust aroma and a palatte pleasing earthy body. I highly recommend the Torajana variety which seems to have a more complex taste although to be frank, I think the lovely hand craved presentation boxes may also bias my view. The wood crafts are of moderate fine quality and are reasonably priced, as long as you stay out of the tourist traps. Small, 5 inch hand crafted mahogany animal statues run to about US$10, although being Asian and of charming disposition, I obtained mine for around 5 bucks.

For some reason, bargaining has become part of me. I remember watchin my Mum brandish around a bunch of spring onions whilst asking for a minute discount. Never pay retail is pretty much an Asian proverb. I've seen elderly women at the wet market in Singapore haggle over 10 cents. I've seen middle aged men try to haggle with the Border's staff. This culture of haggling culminated in my finest moment when out in Kenya, I managed to barter away a pair of vomit green socks for a zebra mask, in fell swoop setting the tour record and shattering the previous known masterpiece of a pair of shorts for a mini giraffe statue. Well, haggled me.

However, cheesy keepsakes and earthy coffee aside, Indonesia is most well known for clothes shopping. The textile industry is huge there and many major brands have factories in and around Jakarta. And, where there are factories, there are factory outlets. Big names such as Abercrombie, Polo can be had for very little.

Although some are clearly seconds, with minor fraying of ends, others are clearly perfect and factor overruns. What is of particular mirth to many folks is the effort made to remove the labels from shirts with the brand logo emblazoned across the chest. Sure. I see someone with a Polo shirt and my first thought is to confirm it's authenticity by obtaing the person in a headlock to check the label. The cheap and available clothes have also resulted in some very avante-grande street fashion. My particular pick was a gent in a purple dress shirt, checked 3/4 trousers and slippers. Sweet.

So after shopping, I went to Nosy Around. I went to Mua Karang, which is the Chinatown of Jakarta. The Chinese population in Indonesia consists primarily of Hakka immigrants from Southern China who came down the Malayan Straits. The dialect of choice is Hokkien.

In Singapore, Teow Chew which is pretty much like Hokkien just pips the old Hokkein to top spot. In Malaysia however, there is a geographical divide. KL, the capital is Cantonese dominated, Ipoh is a 50/50 between Teow Chew and Hokkien and Penang is Teow Chew with a twist- somewhere in between standard Teow Chew and standard Thai. Taiwan incidentally is a mixture of Hokkien/Teow chew and Mandarin.

Having grown up in Singapore, I was looking forward to Hokkein/Nonya food and I wasn't dissappointed. At all. I had too much to eat and certainly too much to report, so I'll just tease you with the highlights and do a better write up later.

Curly noodles. Yup, Curly noodles. You get handmade yellow noodles which are thick and well, more kinked than actually curly. The texture is firmer than than the usual yellow mien and more absorbent so you get more flavor from the wonderful sesame oil and pork stock sauce. Throw in some shredded barbequed pork, fried lard, blanched greens and it's heaven in a bowl. The Muara Karang stall has firmer noodles than anywhere else and the pork is really shredded.

Mie Chang Kuay. Essentially deep fried dough, this is hard to make well. Firstly, the dough has to be fluffly yet pliable to mould into a parrellel bar arrangement. The oil needs to be extremely hot for the dough to puff up and become a golden bar with a smooth, fuffly interior. My receipe for breakfast: Take Mie Chang Kuay, dip into condensed milk, dip into coffee, eat. Sigh in pleasure and repeat. The stall at Muara Karang has a softer interior which makes it more aborbent.

Fried rice noodles- Char Kuay Teow. A stir fried dish, consisting of rice noodles, sweet soya sauce, chinese sausage, fish cake and cockles. The Indonesian version has more eggs than any other I have had and it makes for a much richer taste with the little salty egg pieces off setting the sweetness of the soya sauce. Beware of this one, it's addictive and also happens to be heart disease on a plate!

Also at Muara Karang, there is a wet market. For those who have lived in Asia, wet markets are pretty much the life and soul of a city. From Bankok to Manila, they provide fresh, afforable food. Every wet market has a life of it's own. The smells and sounds which assault your sense are unique to each market. Muara Karang has a large share of Hokkien bargaining, fruity aromas and the smell of the sea. Seafood here is a showcase. I spotted live grouper, prawns and even mantis shrimp, which deserve a special mention.

Mantis shrimp are an add crustacean which are a cross between Lobster, Shrimp and Mike Tyson. Picture the body of a lobster with a shrimp head and 2 huge er, claws. The shrimps are predatory and live in tropical shallow waters. They use specialized raptorial appendages to capture and kill prey by spearing or smashing them with heavily calcified clubs. The force of the strike of a large Californian species approaches that of a 22 caliber bullet which is capable of breaking double layered safety glass.

They also make good eating. Growing to 20-30cm, I've had them prepared in a number of ways, but the best was split, grilled over a barbeque drizzled with a squeeze of lime, chopped chillis and light soy sauce. My friends maintain that shako, the japanese sashimi version is better, but ignore them. The flesh which has the texture of lobster meat but has the sweetness of prawn and shrimp deserve some light heat.

I hope you've enjoyed the inaugural blog on et-al, please stay tuned for more culinary, music and travel madness.

Terence.